The Time Outs

Time outs are horrible for me. If I could just snap my fingers and magically, my son would understand on what he did was wrong. that would be the only magic power that I would want to possess. Jack rarely gets time outs, and when he does, it is for something quite severe.

Jack, if you are reading this when you are older, please know that it pains your mom to give you a time out. And it hurts even more now that you have perfected the pouty sad face. I want to cry right along with you but I have to be the strong one.


Jack yesterday was in rare form, and I had him in a time out. We sat at the stairs and I wanted him to just be uncomfortable there enough to:
a. know what he did was wrong
b. say that he was sorry ( and quickly) because I was uncomfortable sitting there. A stair is not enough room for someone who is almost 39 weeks pregnant.

We sat there for about 20 minutes. A 5 minute time out turned into 20. In those 20 minutes, I explained to him in every which way possible of what he did was wrong, why it was wrong and what happens when we act in bad form. All this time, he didn't want to say he was sorry and when he saw that Brian had to leave to do something , that was when the pouty face became the crying face. I asked Jack if he was sad, and he said yes. That was when I just held him close to me and let my tears flow with his. It killed me to see my son admit that he was sad.

I am not the harshest person to put someone in a timeout. My theory is that if you gently talk to your child about what they did, all the while giving them comfort, they will get it. No need for shouts, no need for spankings. Just gentle words and understanding. And they do learn their lesson. Jack does learn his lesson when this happens. And it he seldom does the same bad thing twice, since he does remember on what a horrible time he had with his time out.

If you did something wrong, wouldn't you want to be held and caressed while at
the same time , someone is telling you that what you did was wrong? I know I would.

My theory was proven last night. In holding Jack, he in turn confessed to telling me on something that he did at daycare . Something that he wasn't supposed to. He didn't have to tell me that, but because he was understanding the difference in right and wrong at that point, he learned how to tell someone that he was sorry for what he did. I told him how proud I was that he told me that, and in an instant his little face brightened up a bit.

If it pains me to see my child unhappy, nothing makes me happier to see my child happy because I told him that I am proud of him. If he understands that and he does, then all the timeouts are worth it.

I held true to my word with the time out. We didn't play games, we didn't watch TV, we just read a book and he nestled into the sofa and drifted to sleep. The night started out roughly, ended up blissful.

And I have to do this with two kids soon? Incredible.