Monday, October 13, 2014
OH . MY.
Life has it's sweet moments. Double the kisses, double the hugs, double the I love yous.
There is also double the I want your attention now screams, double the I don't want to eat that for dinner, double the "Time for bed" call outs.
I say Party of One since the husband works nights. Therefore it is just me and the boys for at least 4 days out of the week. I slowly realized today that I have become the pain in the ass parent.
The parent that demands the kid to eat. The parent to tell the kid to do their homework. Would you like someone to tell you all the time to do your homework?? NO. I thought so.
The parent that tells their kid that no TV will be watched. The parent that tells their kid to go to bed early.
The parent that battles their kid to go back to bed for the 10th time.
Everything is a battle now. And I am not sure on how to ease any conversation without losing my head. Right now we are living in a phase of constant crying for attention, and not being able to control feelings. A certain kid of mine is in this phase. Since I see this every night, all the time, after already coming home from grueling day of work, I am finding it hard to be the fun mom. I know my kids are young only once. I have been told from many a facebook post that kids are people too. Kids have feelings too so therefore, there is no need to lose control of yourself. Whoever wrote that meme is someone I want to meet. REALLY BADLY. Does that person have a kid that loses it daily? Hmmm.
I also have to keep a schedule at night, so that there is no oversleeping in the morning the next day.
Everything I do at night, I do it so that things are easier for the husband in the morning. I'm exhausted. I eat just but I'm not at all hungry. I only eat so my kids can watch me eat, in hopes that they too will get the idea to eat at least one dinner with me. Writing that now makes me realize that is a dumb theory. Who told me that??
I pray to myself to become a more patient person every day. The next day I am. But when you are the single parent ( especially on school nights) that patience is hard to find. It's there , but it comes and goes.
All in good time I guess. This post is by no means a solicitation for sympathy. However, should you feel bad for me, please feel free to make me feel better and stop by with a milkshake around 9:30 pm.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Jack is at this age where everything is his way. Everything is no, no, no. I find myself constantly just lecturing him and scolding him. Don't do that. Be gentle. Be nice. What did I say? Time out. Time out. Time out.
It's at a point where giving him a time out is so stupid that he just sits there but then will still do the exact thing an hour later.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Sometimes he will tell me that he's not tired but tells me this with one eye open. This kid is fighting his sleep and he'll tell me somewhat defiantly "I'm not tired". Yes you are. "No I'm not!"
Monday, July 29, 2013
I had the crappiest day at work. It started with a client stating that she never got my emails, yet she was responding back to an email I just sent her. Nice try lady.
I went to eat lunch at the park and that was a big mistake. I saw all these little kids running around with their friends, with their moms. I realized what an absent mom I am. Working. Coming home late. Never took them out to a park with friends. They have gone to a park with me before, but I don't even know what kind of friends my kids have. This made me feel like shit and was so lonesome for my little guys at that point.
I realized now is the time to win the lottery. Then I will have a chance to quit working. I'm young enough. I think I still have the energy to be with my kids and run around the park like those park moms do.
I went back to work to only get yelled at by two different people on the phone for two completely stupid reasons. Bullshit is what I thought when I was being reamed. This is effin Bullshit. The last call made me cry so hard that my shoulders shook. Then I got really pissed at that idiot lady for making me crumble on the phone. JERK. MEANWHILE, she's in a coffee shop making this call. I feel sorry for any barista that she comes across that doesn't make her mocha latte just right.
I thought of my sweet boys and how their lives from now on will forever be changed as having two parents who work full time. I have friends who had parents that worked separate shifts-daytime one parent, nighttime another parent. I thought how horrible that is and how lucky we have been to have had every night together as a family.
Now our lives are about to change dramatically and I still hate the fact that I work, or that money still matters for some reason. Why can't we live by the honor system? I promise to be a good tenant, then I can live for free right ? You don't really need money for rent right? Property taxes? Isn't that kind of outdated? For what do we work so hard for? Clothes, food. Again, all can be acquired through the bartering system. Let's bring that into fashion again!
I work to provide for my family, not to say that I saved the world by providing a great website. You, idiot lady. You are making me second guess the only good job that I have come across.in a long time and I hate you for that. I guess if I can find something that makes me feel good about what I do, at the same time gives me enough money to feed my family and allows me to be with my family more than just the measly 58 hours a week, then I'll be good in life.
And to that ridiculous lady that made me cry today at work, I say this. I bet I can make a better arroz con pollo than you.