The Full time Of Lectures

This was pretty much the most frustrating weekend. I think at this point we are facing an incredibly hard stage right now. Charlie is at an age where he is learning to talk but also learning how to talk back and fight back.
Jack is at this age where everything is his way. Everything is no, no, no. I find myself constantly just lecturing him and scolding him. Don't do that. Be gentle. Be nice. What did I say? Time out. Time out. Time out.
It's at a point where giving him a time out is so stupid that he just sits there but then will still do the exact thing an hour later.

I was the full time parent this weekend and it sucked. We live in a place where you can walk for 15 minutes and still be in the neighborhood complex. Not a lot to see or do here if there is no car. At least if we lived in the city, I could have gone to the city with the boys, walked to a different park, be with my family. Here, all I could really go with the boys this weekend was go to the park, to the front yard, and to the park.

There is no one out here to help us or even be with the kids while I can maybe take a jog for 15 minutes. All I need is 15 minutes! 30 if you'll let me! I find myself alone out here and with just two boys to be with, especially with two boys who don't listen, tensions run super high.

I'm sure that the boys didn't really want me with them for the third straight day in a row. That was made clear when Jack asked me today- don't you have to leave or go to work today? Maybe for them seeing me stay here meant another day of nothing special in a neighborhood where nothing really happens. I felt like shit when Jack said that and today proved another day where lectures upon lectures happened.

In the end tonight, I ended placing them both to an early bedtime as I witnessed another brotherly fight. I couldn't take it and I erupted saying I was done. I always feel like shit when I give them lectures, but I want them to know at the same time that the pulling, the squeezing, the teasing and the hitting is not acceptable at all. I call bullshit to the theory that boys will be boys. So that means that this intense wrestling is ok? Absolutely not.

I'm not saying that it's like this 24/7 but I will give them lectures and punish them before it becomes that way. I think I made some leeway with Jack. I reminded him that for everything that he does, Charles will do. So if there is intense squeezing and pushing from Jack, then Charlie will do the same. However if Jack doesn't want to see the intensity that he gets from Charlie and in turn acts nicer, then Charlie will be nicer. I reminded him that Charlie looks up to Jack and just repeats everything that Jack does. In the end Jack said- I'll be a nice kid. That broke my heart.

As for myself, I know exactly what's going on. I'm stressed. The place that we were supposed to live to is now not happening anytime soon and meanwhile where we are now has just gotten inconvenient in so many ways. My stress is coming out tenfold and I need to calm myself down as well as listen and practice on what I preach. I would love at this moment to just get up and walk somewhere. But no one is here to stay with the kids and it's just me. Life is so hard. I need to know when all of this ugly phase will end soon.